i cant wait for thursday to be over with.
i cant wait for june 27th to be over with.
i cant wait for july 1st.
i can’t wait for august 10th.
i can’t wait to get the mcat over with.
i can’t wait to buy my dslr camera on black friday.
i can’t wait for may 13, 2011.
i can’t wait to go to china, taiwan, hong kong, and korea for the summer.
i can’t wait to go on a mediterranean cruise in spring of 2012.

time is going to fly on by and i’ll wish time waited.
but time waits for no one.

so i was thinking (while i was studying of course)…
my life everyday now revolves around the tedious schedule of waking up at 7am, dragging myself out of bed, biking to the tram stop at top speed so i don’t miss the tram, and making my way over to hsc. after 3 hrs of research, i rush on back to upc for physics. depending on what day it is, i have physics lab or mcat class for 3 hrs afterwards. to finish off the day, i hole up in our living room table & stare at physics for another 3, 4 hrs before heading to bed around 1 or 2 am.

so. i just caught myself thinking, ‘what’s the point of this all?’ or something along the lines of ‘i wish i didn’t like medicine so much’ or ‘pre-meds have it harrrrddd…’ or even ‘why this path? why can’t i just take the easy way out of things and just find a job that’s easy to get by, that makes enough to survive off of?’
but i stopped myself from getting sucked into the black hole of negativity.
it’s not that i need to reevaluate my path or the direction i’m headed. i need to reevaluate my mentality. i know this is what i want to do, but in those few hours when i’m not thinking clearly, i legitimately want to snap. i want to give up and start fresh. but i really can’t, i was born to do this. and even if i suffer through this path, i need to constantly keep words of wisdom and motivation in the back of my head. i need to remember it’s a path of lifelong learning and education. a path that branches off into not only helping yourself learn, but learning about yourself, and spreading such knowledge to others. be it through the form of medicine, therapy, or kind words of motivation and empowerment for others.

i know this journey will be worth it. but i also can’t wait until it’s almost over. over, i know, will be defined as another 12 years of my life, when i’m 32. what will i think then? how will i feel about the journey? how will i have pulled through? i will be stronger, but at what cost? i hope that i devote myself to my best work possible, but that i also devote myself to my family as much as my career. it sounds like a simple task–to balance such two necessities in life, but after seeing the drastic change in directions of career-oriented individuals, and the toll it takes on their families, must i choose between the two, family will always be the priority. family keeps one grounded. family is the warmth through any hardship. family is what will be there, holding your hand through all battles in life. i hope that through my journey in medicine, i will further cherish what i have been given.

it would be ironic for me to not.